Ha. Right? As if I am going to tell you what to do.
Not so much.
I can tell you what I wish people had told me when I was up for a few life changing decisions. When all I could speak over and over was, “I don’t know, I don’t know. Je ne sais pas, you (expletive).” Until the words lost all of their meaning and flew out of my mouth at the slightest hint of inquiry.
Because, in that state, I often asked for advice. I took polls. I stared at the question marks until they became shape-shifting shadows of entire lives I could lead. Beings of possibility that circled and cornered and shouted, “Pick me!” “No, choose me!”
I asked my friends. I asked my family. I charted the options in colored pencils on pieces of paper and tried to follow the throughlines.
I looked for a lot of validation.
And when it didn’t come, when the questions persisted without the relief of any answers…
Or went around like a crazy person trying to herd ducks. GET IN A ROW. STOP FLAPPING AROUND. I NEED THIS TO WORK.
Just so I didn’t have to say, “I don’t know” one more time to one more person.
Because life demands answers. We demand answers. Of ourselves, of each other. We like to know what’s up. We like to think there’s a sense of order to this spinning-in-space planet instead of admitting the real truth- sometimes we can get a little seasick. Or spacesick. Or, whatever.
There are side effects to being human and it can be dizzying. And cause a fair amount of nausea.
So here’s what’s up: I love a good color coded flow chart. I love speeches. I love plans and possibilities and cute ducks all in a row.
If that’s what makes all of the spinning and the nausea of being alive subside for a moment, I honor that. I really do. I’m the master of P.O.A.s (Plans of Action, duh) and pros and cons lists. And polls and spreadsheets too.
I get it. And I will look and listen and lean into the relief of that with you.
But here’s what I wish someone (and maybe they did but I couldn’t hear it yet) had told me:
It’s okay not to know.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Now, or ever.
It’s hard being human.
It’s okay to be still. For as long as you need.
Take your time, there’s no rush.
You are so loved and always will be.
Sigh it out. Cry, if you need to.
I’ve been there too. (And I hope this goofy picture makes you laugh. Because- seals.).Google+