Life Musings

Creature Fear

Darling, when the wolves are circling around, you bare your teeth. You show ‘em what you got. These lanky, shadowy animals bear one name: Fear. They come out in packs, when the most brilliant star is clouded with haze, the moon a sliver of grey light illuminating their damp fur. Don’t try to negotiate or to outrun these creatures of the night. They will devour, destroy, and disable.
San Francisco, California 2015

When you hear their mournful howl coming from inside you, let it out. Run outside and give your best throaty, haunting, cry. Cry for the love they took away from you, howl in fury, raging, pounding your fists at the night sky. When you hear them answer you from a far-off distance, listen closely. It is only yourself, echoing off the mountainside, carried through the forest, dissipating into the soft darkness. And when you see pieces of yourself reflected in the glint of their yellow eyes, show compassion. These wild beasts came to life at your command, you are their author, creator, betrayer.

When you feel them closing in on you, when the scent of danger awakens you in a cold sweat in the dead of night, single them out, one by one. Scream at the one called Shame, throw sticks at the one named Self-Loathing. Stare into the eyes of the one called Guilt, corner the one whose name is Insecurity.

When you’ve shown your strength and subdued the weaker ones, look for the leader of the pack, the burly, weathered one they call What If? He is your biggest threat, the most confident of wolves, snarly and wise. The best way to overcome this enemy is to ignore him. He can only do you harm if you acknowledge his dark and brooding presence. Avert your eyes, establish yourself as the true leader of the pack, and run with the defeated wolves.

Run, run with them for they will always be a part of you, yet you are now their master. Run through the woods, through the uncertainties of night. Run for freedom, run for the animal inside of you. And when talk of rebellion whispers through the pack, when the wolves begin conspiring against you (for they will always be wild and vicious), look to the moon for light. Howl, and howl. Stare into the blackened sky and cry for courage, howl for mercy, growl for determination. And then darling, grit your teeth and run. Run for your life, for your love, for the creature fear nipping at your heels.

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